Originally published in the now defunct St Petersburg (Russia) Times English edition, as well as the collection Fragments. In honor of National Caffeine Day (September 29th).

Awake

Irina asked if I wanted something to drink besides water and suggested coffee. “Espresso might be a good idea, Bob.”

“No thanks. I don’t drink coffee.”

“You are an American and you don’t drink coffee?”

“Never have. The one time I tried it the bitterness was so bad I couldn’t swallow.”

“Oh! You thought it would taste good! That’s the problem,” she said, laughing. “Bob, you don’t drink coffee for taste.” Then she poured a cup, a regular sized coffee cup, filled with espresso. “Here, try espresso. It will give you some energy.”

I’d already been awake for nearly thirty-five hours including the flight from New York to St Petersburg, and at some point my body simply woke up again, as if the bright midnight sun and the over-exhaustion were sensors to start over. Still, my mind flat-lined and I sat in the café and stared at the wall expecting it to move or fall or something. This was a new level of exhaustion. Friends showed up one at a time, each ordering a glass of wine or a beer, sometimes just water. Without noticing I had finished my cup of espresso. Also without noticing, Irina filled it up again. When we were all there and made our plans to walk along the gulf during the few short hours of the midnight sun, one friend sitting close put her hand on my arm and said, “Bob! You’re vibrating!”

That was the moment–just after midnight–I discovered caffeine.

I needed to know who came up with this so as soon as I returned to the United States I ordered a venti, half-soy, non-fat, caramel cappuccino extra hot with foam and an extra shot of espresso, and googled away the night. Caffeine dates back to the Stone Age. They’d chew seeds of certain plants to ease fatigue and elevate their mood. But it wasn’t until about 3000 BC when a Chinese emperor accidently dropped some leaves in boiling water that the

“drink” form was formed. I drank and kept researching: Actually coffee as we know it according to myth though it is widely accepted as accurate evolved from Ethiopia of course Ethiopia where else I mean almost everything has some sort of origin in Ethiopia but anyway the myth suggests that Kaldi a goat herder noticed his flock would not rest well and in fact be extra active after chewing on certain bushes so Kaldi began eating the berries of the bush his hyper goats were eating and he felt a sense of vitality and it really grew in reputation and spread west so that by the 16th century coffee was pretty well used in the near east and in the early 17th century it swept Europe and was most often referred to as Arabian wine and it was during this time that the first coffee shops opened in places like Constantinople and Venice and in 1652 the first coffee shop opened in London and they quickly became places of important social relations where significant trades and dealings were carried out on this addictive legalized substance which I suddenly craved again so I got up and ordered a quad half caf venti 3 pump vanilla 3 pump hazelnut soy extra hot no foam with whip and cinnamon sprinkles latte and read more about how caffeine heads right to the blood and the liver takes the stuff and cuts it into three parts one of which elevates the glycerol and fatty acids in the blood which must kick open the eyes a bit, another dilates blood vessels making us pee more, and the third relaxes the bronchi muscles making breathing easier and man that is so true talk about getting the motor going so anyway various studies show dramatic increase in the pace runners have the distance cyclists cover in any given period and intense results in attentiveness driving but it cannot make a drunk person sober at all never could and it cannot replace the bodies need for sleep but since I couldn’t sleep I mean I wasn’t close to tired I got up and ordered a triple grande skim iced upside down iced caramel macchiato and read about the Kola nut.

Since that night on the Gulf of Finland when the sun both literally and metaphorically never went down, that wonderful, miraculous property has kept me awake during long drives, helped two of us count all the stripes on the wallpaper in a Russian hotel room, kept me awake during my own boring lectures and a couple of wedding ceremonies. It has mowed my lawn, painted my bedrooms, and wrote more than a few essays.

Happy National Coffee Day