Classes start again, so I’m updating my course outlines. I’ve been thinking lately about the problems in class, including tardiness and distraction. Those issues in and of themselves are short-lived and don’t bother me so much. What is disturbing is the rampant disregard for others that is infesting schools from pre-K to post-graduate.

Humanity and our interactions with each other–thinking of others for starters–is slipping out of our hands, and it is compromising all aspects of life.

I’m nobody when it comes to having a significant effect on the big picture, but in my profession there are a few things I can slip into the mix which might help. With that in mind, I have started to revamp my entire course outlines.

Understand, these are rough drafts.

Attendance Policy:

What is so difficult about getting to class on time? Let’s simply assume traffic is heavy, the weather is bad, accidents are everywhere, and the parking spots are taken. Get your ass in the chair by the time class starts or go home and come back when you grow up into a responsible human instead of an entitled little shit who thinks you can show up when you damn well feel like it. If you are late to work or don’t show up, you get fired, if you are late to class or don’t show up, you fail. Either way, F. It’s a great fucking letter. And as for your oh-my-god-this-is-the-best-ever excuse, we’ve heard it already. And no, you AREN’T paying me. You can’t come close to affording me. If you’re not ready to attend class, go in the hall, call your parole officer and say college just didn’t work out after all.

Policy Update Concerning the Use of Cell Phones During Class

Put away the damn phone you miserable no good fleckless, rude dirtbag! What makes you think you’re so important that whoever calls or texts you needs an answer immediately because your thought is so essential to civilization that it can’t wait ninety minutes? If it’s that big of an emergency they should call 911. If it’s not you can wait until I’m done talking, and by the way while I am talking look at me and not at your phone because that is how vertical homo sapiens are supposed to act. Essential? Bullshit. Shove your ego aside and accept the fact you’re talking to your girlfriend or on Tik Tock or checking updates or seeing the score. Here’s the score: Shut the fuck up or put the phone somewhere so far removed you’ll need your urologist to answer it!

This is just a rough draft.

Too much? What’s interesting is how, in retrospect–retroing more than four decades that is–I missed a lot of classes. I was playing music, buzzing up to Niagara Falls, sculling Chautauqua Lake, so I’m either not in a position to preach or am the perfect person for the job. Likewise, I can’t deny that if anything other than a wall-mounted payphone existed when I was in college, I would have androided my way through Earth Science.

I’ll keep working on it. Maybe I’ll add a caveat: yes, yes, I’m bored out of my head as well, but please, be politely bored, be humanistically distracted.

Okay, I’m ready.